I remember the conversation very well, it was a chilly fall evening sometime in late November, I sat on the couch alone crying on the phone to my best friend explaining I was injured yet again, but this time I would be out for the season. To an athlete, an injury can be one of the most depressing and isolating experiences one can face in their college career. If not surrounded by good company and a positive outlook, one can easily slip down into the rabbit hole and make themselves comfortable. My best friend ended up driving two hours to see me that night, just to sit on the couch with me. We ate ice cream like typical women going through a trial.
Surgery came a few weeks later, I had my ankle cut open and my peroneal tendon pinned back into place, (for those who aren't familiar, it is the tendon that sits directly behind your ankle bone and goes up the side of your calf). Mine unfortunately was partially torn and would slip out of it's place and pop over my ankle bone while I ran, causing my leg to give out. It was less than enjoyable and would happen at least 5 times during a game, and almost every drill in practice. I would have to stop, maneuver my foot around in circles to get it to slide back over, and then try running again. I decided after five games and several strategic tape jobs, there was no way my ankle was going to last for the whole season, plus I was not being fair to my teammates gimping around on the floor, so I took a medical redshirt my junior year.
Thankfully surgery came around Christmas time so I was with my family on break for the first few weeks. I was on some pretty heavy pain killers as well, even spilling to my dad about the first time I drank alcohol. Whoops. But then, I had to go back to school, with no identity it seemed. I was not a basketball player but the person who ran the clock during practice. My grades slipped in class, my purpose seemed pointless, and I was nick named "Boots" by a few of the football players because I was in a boot and on crutches for three months. In the snow. Yuck. No, my attitude was not extraordinary; I covered up my lack of motivation and mopey persona with lots of sarcasm and humor, an excellent technique I had mastered for hard times. In years previous, I missed at least 4 games a year due to injuries so confidence in my abilities was severely lacking at this point.
Regardless I made it through the struggle and find myself only today, really reflecting on what wonderful blessings came from that dreadful year. I realize now, if that tendon had not decided to misplace itself my life would be much different. And the last eight years would not have happened. It is a day of thanks for me as I sit back in awe on what wouldn't have happened in my life had a silly little tendon not misbehaved.
I would not have had an extra year in college, the one people call the "Super Senior Year". This means I literally would not have met a good majority of those women I call close friends now. I wouldn't have all the wonderful memories and pictures entailing team retreats, pranks, riding horses, a trip to CO in the suburban, team bus trips, having the girls over to my house, concerts, and so much more.
After I graduated, my best friend called and asked me to move to San Diego because she had a client that was in need of a house sitter for three months. So again, a year in San Diego would not have happened because I would have been employed already at this point. That year was one of my favorites. During my last year in college there was a head coaching change so I played for a different coach my last year. He called me in my time at San Diego and asked me to come back to Kearney and get my masters while coaching with him. A free masters and coaching opportunity wouldn't have happened.
From here I was able to live with my brother in my first year in grad school. Getting to know him more as an adult he and I became a lot closer in that year, and I am so grateful now for that darn ankle. The next year I moved in with two girls who were previously teammates and coached them in their senior year. We had several laughs in that house. I lived in the attic. It was kind of awesome. I cherish that year so much. I also met my future sister in law in my first two years of grad school and helped coach her as she was on the basketball team. It is a funny thought to me, that I could not have really known her until her and my brother were engaged. Thank you again God, for crushing my ankle and also my dreams my junior year. I mean that sincerely although it sounds sarcastic.
After I graduated from grad school I would not have went to Europe with two great friends, whom I would not have met in basketball. I think of that trip often. How three completely different personalities managed to survive together in another country, and how beautiful it was, my jaw dropping at every place we visited. Oh, we had so many laughs. Thank you again God, for always having a plan.
From there, I received an opportunity to coach as an assistant for a year, and loved the experience of mentoring. I am so thankful for all the people I met during that time. I just recently attended a graduation reception of a player I would have never coached had I not....(you guessed it, crushed my ankle).
I don't mind sharing with you, that lately my spirit has felt a little like my ankle did back in 2008-09, a little crushed and not quite up to par. I'm told it's normal, to feel slumpy and bumpy sometimes. Who knows, maybe I'll just chalk it up to summertime sadness, that's a thing right? To really have to motivate yourself to get out of bed in the morning, and to wonder what in the world is going on with your life. God has been silent lately, or rather I haven't been listening. He is about to do some wonderful things in my life, I can just feel it. However, I being the silly human that I am disgustingly wallow in self pity instead of focus on the blessings. I tell this whole story mostly for myself, because I know in the coming years ahead, I will look back on this time and say "If you hadn't of went through this, this wouldn't have happened." And I will thank God so much for allowing me to go through a spiritual struggle. But I also tell it for you, to let you know we are all only human, humans who lack an extreme amount of trust in His plan, and if we'd only trust, maybe our blessings would come to light a little sooner eh?
So please, whether you are an injured athlete, have an injured heart, or a bruised spirit, find comfort in knowing that struggles are so planned, and although it may not feel like it, you are so loved and so cared for in your times of stress and sorrow. He hides so many blessings in hard times. If you are a little hard headed like me though, sometimes it takes you eight years to realize it ;)
Surgery came a few weeks later, I had my ankle cut open and my peroneal tendon pinned back into place, (for those who aren't familiar, it is the tendon that sits directly behind your ankle bone and goes up the side of your calf). Mine unfortunately was partially torn and would slip out of it's place and pop over my ankle bone while I ran, causing my leg to give out. It was less than enjoyable and would happen at least 5 times during a game, and almost every drill in practice. I would have to stop, maneuver my foot around in circles to get it to slide back over, and then try running again. I decided after five games and several strategic tape jobs, there was no way my ankle was going to last for the whole season, plus I was not being fair to my teammates gimping around on the floor, so I took a medical redshirt my junior year.
Thankfully surgery came around Christmas time so I was with my family on break for the first few weeks. I was on some pretty heavy pain killers as well, even spilling to my dad about the first time I drank alcohol. Whoops. But then, I had to go back to school, with no identity it seemed. I was not a basketball player but the person who ran the clock during practice. My grades slipped in class, my purpose seemed pointless, and I was nick named "Boots" by a few of the football players because I was in a boot and on crutches for three months. In the snow. Yuck. No, my attitude was not extraordinary; I covered up my lack of motivation and mopey persona with lots of sarcasm and humor, an excellent technique I had mastered for hard times. In years previous, I missed at least 4 games a year due to injuries so confidence in my abilities was severely lacking at this point.
Regardless I made it through the struggle and find myself only today, really reflecting on what wonderful blessings came from that dreadful year. I realize now, if that tendon had not decided to misplace itself my life would be much different. And the last eight years would not have happened. It is a day of thanks for me as I sit back in awe on what wouldn't have happened in my life had a silly little tendon not misbehaved.
I would not have had an extra year in college, the one people call the "Super Senior Year". This means I literally would not have met a good majority of those women I call close friends now. I wouldn't have all the wonderful memories and pictures entailing team retreats, pranks, riding horses, a trip to CO in the suburban, team bus trips, having the girls over to my house, concerts, and so much more.
After I graduated, my best friend called and asked me to move to San Diego because she had a client that was in need of a house sitter for three months. So again, a year in San Diego would not have happened because I would have been employed already at this point. That year was one of my favorites. During my last year in college there was a head coaching change so I played for a different coach my last year. He called me in my time at San Diego and asked me to come back to Kearney and get my masters while coaching with him. A free masters and coaching opportunity wouldn't have happened.
From here I was able to live with my brother in my first year in grad school. Getting to know him more as an adult he and I became a lot closer in that year, and I am so grateful now for that darn ankle. The next year I moved in with two girls who were previously teammates and coached them in their senior year. We had several laughs in that house. I lived in the attic. It was kind of awesome. I cherish that year so much. I also met my future sister in law in my first two years of grad school and helped coach her as she was on the basketball team. It is a funny thought to me, that I could not have really known her until her and my brother were engaged. Thank you again God, for crushing my ankle and also my dreams my junior year. I mean that sincerely although it sounds sarcastic.
After I graduated from grad school I would not have went to Europe with two great friends, whom I would not have met in basketball. I think of that trip often. How three completely different personalities managed to survive together in another country, and how beautiful it was, my jaw dropping at every place we visited. Oh, we had so many laughs. Thank you again God, for always having a plan.
From there, I received an opportunity to coach as an assistant for a year, and loved the experience of mentoring. I am so thankful for all the people I met during that time. I just recently attended a graduation reception of a player I would have never coached had I not....(you guessed it, crushed my ankle).
I don't mind sharing with you, that lately my spirit has felt a little like my ankle did back in 2008-09, a little crushed and not quite up to par. I'm told it's normal, to feel slumpy and bumpy sometimes. Who knows, maybe I'll just chalk it up to summertime sadness, that's a thing right? To really have to motivate yourself to get out of bed in the morning, and to wonder what in the world is going on with your life. God has been silent lately, or rather I haven't been listening. He is about to do some wonderful things in my life, I can just feel it. However, I being the silly human that I am disgustingly wallow in self pity instead of focus on the blessings. I tell this whole story mostly for myself, because I know in the coming years ahead, I will look back on this time and say "If you hadn't of went through this, this wouldn't have happened." And I will thank God so much for allowing me to go through a spiritual struggle. But I also tell it for you, to let you know we are all only human, humans who lack an extreme amount of trust in His plan, and if we'd only trust, maybe our blessings would come to light a little sooner eh?
So please, whether you are an injured athlete, have an injured heart, or a bruised spirit, find comfort in knowing that struggles are so planned, and although it may not feel like it, you are so loved and so cared for in your times of stress and sorrow. He hides so many blessings in hard times. If you are a little hard headed like me though, sometimes it takes you eight years to realize it ;)
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