It has arrived, my favorite day of Holy Week. Thursday. The turning point in the heroic story of our Savior, and my favorite because? This is the day I can relate to him the most. Keep reading, because when I bring it home, I know you'll relate too if you're a living, breathing, human on planet earth.
Tomorrow is the day Jesus will endure brutal physical suffering. He will be spit on, whipped until his flesh looks like ground hamburger, thorns will pierce his head, he will carry a large piece of wood on his back in unbearable circumstances, and nails will penetrate through the skin and bones of his hands and feet. That is something only a hero can do. I've never felt much like a hero, and I can't imagine myself going through something like that for people who don't even like me. We always like to relate to the main character in the story right? And we are attracted to people we can relate to right? So Friday? Friday to me has always been more relatable for the brave, the martyrs, the people who can speak out about their faith with such conviction, they are willing to die for it. Friday is the "walk the walk" day. As I'm typing this now I can sure talk the talk, but to actually do it, wow that's hard.
A few years ago I experienced a guided prayer meditation with my spiritual advisor that I would call one of my many conversion stories. (If you're like me, you need some conversion frequently). But this one, wow. I actually met Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. And holy thursday, did I find him relatable on Holy Thursday. Before you call me crazy just imagine it. He's alone, asking his dad if he really has to endure what tomorrow's events bring, he can feel the weight of the world on his back, he WEEPS, his friends aren't there to support him because they can't stay awake, and then another friend is overcome with greed and chooses money over him, which results in Jesus spending his last night on earth in chains...in a hole...ALONE. When he needed people the most, no one was there to comfort him. Tonight is about the emotional suffering. Now that, that I can relate to.
Tonight is my favorite night of Holy Week because we see Jesus in his most vulnerable moments. Don't misinterpret my words here, but seeing the hero struggle a bit before he claims the victory makes him that much more relatable right? Throughout so much of the gospels, he is performing miracles, preaching in philosophical metaphors, and loving people that are just hard to love. Growing up, when I would hear people tell me to imitate Jesus, it seemed like such a daunting task. Like, "Okay, let me just turn this water into wine quick." Is it even possible to imitate a guy like that? The answer is yes. Because let me tell you something else, his message in the bible is consistent to the message he gave me when I met him crying in the garden. It's so simple but we complicate it. "Just love them."
He said those words to me when I asked him how to bring people to him. I was overwhelmed with sadness and longing when I saw him crying; I hugged him, and I wanted everyone I knew to come to him. He needed a friend. I knew in that moment this was a guy worth comforting, a guy worth following. He accepted me without hesitation, he let me cry with him, and pray with him without making me feel unworthy, something I was very good at feeling. He just loved me. Amidst his own pain, he was still able to see mine, and he loved me. I'm down with a guy like that.
I remember seeing people in this guided meditation, some I knew and others I didn't. They hung back in the shadows of the trees cast from the moonlight. I walked up to them, asked them to come meet this green eyed man, and each one of them stood there, a longing look on their faces, but frozen limbs, unable to step forward. Most of them told me they were too unworthy to meet a man like that. I grabbed their hands and begged. Nothing I said could convince them. That's when I went back and asked him, "Why won't they come to you? What can I do?" The words, "Just love them," fell from his lips so effortlessly. Just love them.
Whenever I'm struggling, those words come to the forefront of my mind. Now, I have a lot of work to do on this task but I find it helpful to love outward instead of inward when it comes to interior struggles. Loving others only results in loving ourselves more effectively. That's why he didn't tell us to "love yourself". He said, "love one another". When you "love yourself", like the world urges us to do, we become self centered, forget to consider others, and still seem to end up hating ourselves anyway. Yes or yes?
So, if I'm having a bad day, "just love them". If I'm feeling rejected, "just love them". If I feel alone, "just love them". He reminds us that in our own struggles of fear, doubt, insecurity, loneliness, sadness...to love others is the answer. The exact answer he had on this night. But the love shown tonight was at the expense of him "feeling good". He did not let his fears of tomorrow take control. Yes, he died for us because he loves us, but on this night, he was ALONE because he loves us, he CRIED for us because he loves us, he was BETRAYED because he loves us, he said YES to his father when everything inside of him screamed no...because he loves us.
The suffering he endures tonight, is a kind of suffering you and I endure in the quiet of our hearts. It's much easier to talk about tomorrow's suffering, the physical kind. Instead of throwing ourselves on a rock, most of us cry into a pillow or in the shower. I recommend going to the Garden of Gethsemane and meeting Jesus there in your struggles. It is my favorite place to pray. I've been there in my prayers and also in the literal sense when I took a visit last spring. The visits, both prayerful and literal, usually are filled with snot filled tears but I find them powerful because I'm relating to a man who knew emotional suffering. Something the world won't let you leave here without experiencing.
Tonight he's alone. Go meet him.
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